Why & How?
I have a lot of Whys in my life, meaning I’ve got questions. I wake up next to questions and I fall asleep, all cozy cute and shit, next to Why’s close cousin, How. Like, (how) the fuck did I get here and, not to leave Why out of the picture because I’m such a gentleman, but (why) have I not figured out the (how). It’s like I’m engaged in a threesome with myself, twisted and constantly perplexed with the desire to give each it’s due, the Why and the How.
Perhaps this threesome I find myself wrapped up in is a metaphor of my own self entanglement – meaning with myself. Like, it’s (You), me, myself and I. Wait, that’s a foursome. Fuck! I can’t even count right. Why?
Nonetheless, I still see Why in my reflection and How follows me dumbly out the door. Traipsing along without a care in the world. No biggie, it’s just “my” world it’s fucking up. Notice (how) I didn’t say that I see “the” why and “the” how. Well that’s because they both represent my never-ending bullshit. Or at least, something akin to that.
For fuck’s sake, they are both fucking constants in my life, the beginning of a thought lacking purpose (Why) and the result of an action sans consideration beyond the moment (How).
It’s not often I get to spin out of control without meaning, just carelessly wondering about like I’m adrift in some listless sea. Funny thing is, my dumbass still has hope. But here’s the kicker, just don’t ask me Why or How I became so utterly fucked. It’s a gift.
On this day, June 22nd, 2024, I crawled bloodied but unbroken to my elusive freedom while dragging the carcass of a murdered dream. MH~
